


To Heal the Unhealable and Mend the Unbroken

by Eirenne Saijima (ladypoetess)



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: AMoL spoilers, Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, Headcanon, Post-Canon, Trans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-04 22:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3095141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladypoetess/pseuds/Eirenne%20Saijima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nynaeve hates being unable to Heal any hurt that is presented to her. But what is there to be done when there is nothing present to Heal, yet a wound remains that will surely drain life and will away over time? With only theories and ideas, Nynaeve turns to Elayne for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Medical research

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be my first multi chapter WoT fic. It came about after many meta discussion posts on Tumblr that formed and shaped my headcanon on trans people in the world of WoT.

Something that Rand had said years ago, before the Last Battle, had stuck in the back of Nynaeve's mind such that she couldn't stop thinking about it. From those memories of Lews Therin's that Rand had assimilated into himself, Rand had mentioned that the Aes Sedai in the Age of Legends used the One Power for things that would be considered vastly frivolous in this age. Nynaeve didn't know what sorts of things those might have been, not really, but she had started thinking of things they could be now. Now that Malkier was headed toward stability and Lan's rule as King was well established, Nynaeve found herself able to think of more things than just the day to day minutia of ruling a reforming kingdom and Healing the worst of the wounds left over from the Last Battle.

Of course, being Nynaeve, this meant finding other ways to Heal people for whom there was previously considered to be no hope. As hard as she tried, Nynaeve still couldn't Heal a limb back into existence once it was gone, but she had some ideas on that front that might do something at least similar, if not exact. It was this line of thinking that led her to Andor late one winter's night.

"I am so glad to see you, Nynaeve, truly." Elayne's voice really did sound pleased, even if her eyes betrayed how tired she was from the combined effort of ruling Andor and raising her twins.

"As I am you, Elayne." Nynaeve smiled, but carefully pressed a hand to Elayne's forehead and cheeks to check for fever or chill, before chuckling at herself. "Even after all this time, I can't let go of my instincts as a Wisdom. I don't expect I ever will. Are you sleeping enough? Don't you have Lini or some other, younger nurse to help you with the babes?"

"Oh, don't worry so, Nynaeve. Mother helps me with the twins, and I sleep as much as I am able." Elayne rolled her eyes. "If I didn't, I expect Aviendha might just sit on me until she'd deemed that I'd slept enough!"

"There are advantages to having Aiel Wise Ones so close to you, I see."

Elayne's reply was succinct and rude, and Nynaeve laughed despite herself.

"So what brings you down from Malkier, Nynaeve, and alone at that? Surely there isn't some emergency, or you'd have come straight out with it by now." Elayne glided back to the sideboard and poured two cups of mulled wine as she spoke. "Is everything all right with Lan?"

"He's quite well, thank you. Happier now than I've ever seen him, truth be told. He loves his kingdom and his people, and it gives him life to see Malkier rising again in truth." Nynaeve accepted the cup with a nod and continued. "But no, there is no emergency or problem, not really. I need your help as an Aes Sedai, actually."

Elayne furrowed her brow; it was well known that Nynaeve's focus was Healing, ever more so since the war and the Last Battle. Elayne had little enough skill at that, particularly in contrast to Nynaeve, that she could scarce imagine what help the older woman could need. "All right, let us sit and talk and you can tell me about what help you need. If I can provide it, I will, as I'm sure you know."

"About two months ago, a... person came to me for help. For Healing. I couldn't do anything for them and it bothered me. A month later, another person came to me with a similar problem, and again I could do nothing. I can't simply reshape the body, as much as I might want to in some cases - there must be something there for me to Heal, and the body must already know how it should be in the end, or else it just doesn't work!" Nynaeve's hand clenched on her skirts, and Elayne stifled a quiet laugh at what would surely have been a braid tug in years past. At a scowl from Nynaeve, Elayne subsided and gestured for the other woman to continue.

"Do you remember that woman who served Egwene when we were in Salidar? Halima, I think her name was?" At Elayne's nod, Nynaeve continued. "It was discovered later that she was actually channeling _saidin_ \- she was a man, however incredible that might sound, wearing the skin and flesh of a woman."

Elayne nodded. "Yes, I remember hearing of that. I've talked to Aviendha about this some, actually. It seems that this is not an entirely unheard of phenomenon among the Aiel."

"What?" Nynaeve sat up straight in her chair, a look of shock painted across her face. "The Aiel have women who channel _saidin_?"

"Oh, don't be a goose, Nynaeve. Of course they don't." Elayne adopted a look very similar to the ones she had used when lecturing as an Accepted. She held up a finger. "One, they wouldn't be women if they were channeling _saidin_ , at least not completely. Some of the Brown sisters who have managed to ingratiate themselves with the Wise Ones have been studying this idea, though I very much doubt that the Wise Ones have let them near any of the people in question."

Elayne shook her head, though Nynaeve couldn't say if it was at the recalcitrant Wise Ones, at the eager Brown sisters, or at the people the Browns wanted to study and the Wise Ones wanted to protect. Another finger joined the first. "Two, anyone who found themselves channeling _saidin_ went north to try and slay the Dark One, remember? If a person who looked to be a woman found themselves channeling and it wasn't something the Wise Ones were aware of, I imagine they would do the same thing. Until you helped Rand to cleanse the taint on saidin, it wouldn't have mattered who was channeling it; anyone who could wield saidin would have gone mad eventually."

Elayne held up a third finger. "Third, the Wise Ones are still somewhat closed-mouthed about it, but there are some among their number who are both capable of embracing _saidar_ and who were thought to be boy children when they were born." When Nynaeve would have interrupted again, Elayne dropped two of her fingers so that she could shake one admonitory finger at the Malkieri queen. "Don't start behaving like you haven't seen the world and come to understand other cultures, Nynaeve. I know you better than that, and I know you've grown from when I first met you, barely after you'd left your life as a Wisdom of a small village."

Nynaeve's mouth worked soundlessly for a brief moment before composure settled over her features again. "That's better." Elayne said with a smile, ignoring the slight huff she received in response. "The Wise Ones have a fairly foolproof way of determining this stuff, you know. If a person wants to be a Wise One, they have to go to Rhuidean and pass through the _ter'angreal_ there. Wise Ones go twice, clan chiefs only once, but only the chiefs are marked when they return. If someone wishes to be a Wise One, even if they look to be a man, the Wise Ones will send them to Rhuidean. When they return for the second time, if they survive the experience and do not come back marked with the dragon on their arm, then it must be that they are a Wise One, correct?"

"Well, that makes sense, I suppose." Nynaeve's brow furrowed in thought. "I can't imagine someone trying to fool a _ter'angreal_ when we still know so little of them, and the Aiel know even less than that. Oh!"

At her own mention of _ter'angreal_ , Nynaeve started. "You distracted me with your lecture and I almost forgot why I came to see you!" Nynaeve bent to  pull a folded slip of paper from her pouch and handed it over to Elayne. "Do you suppose this is possible?"

Elayne studied the paper, reading over the descriptions and diagrams several times before responding. "I don't see why not. But, Nynaeve, if you already felt this way, why did you let me go on about how the Aiel...?"

"Well it's not as if you gave me much chance to speak now, is it?" Nynaeve sniffed in that way that said she was aware that she was being a fool, but that she thought you were, too. "Anyhow, can you make them so that they don't require channeling to work?"

"Hmm. I'm not entirely sure yet. I'll give the matter some thought and I'll let you know. Is a pigeon all right for contact, or would you prefer I include my information with the reports that are sent by gateway?" Elayne sounded half distracted as she continued to study the page before her as she spoke.

"It isn't terribly time sensitive, but I would rather the information stay private. For now. My patients are somewhat leery of this becoming common knowledge just yet."

"Mm, yes, of course." Elayne murmured, now starting to sound the slightest bit drowsy in addition to being distracted.

"Get some sleep, Elayne." Nynaeve stood up and gently took the page from the Andoran queen's hands and laid it on the  table. "I did not come to you with this so that you could overwork yourself more than you already do.

With a fond smile and a small laugh, Elayne stood up and embraced Nynaeve. "Yes, Nynaeve. I will try, and when I have the time to spare I will begin working on this for you."

Nynaeve walked to the corner of the sitting room and prepared to make a gateway home to her own chamber's sitting room. A thinly sliced line along the carpet and an undamaged golden lily on the table nearest the corner caught her eye and made her smile as she opened her gateway in much the same place. As Nynaeve stepped through and into the chill air of the Malkieri palace, she tossed back over her shoulder, "And when next you see him, tell that wool-head to visit Lan sometimes, would you? And his father, for that matter."

The light sound of Elayne's laughter hung in the air as the gateway slid closed.


	2. Of Vows and Concessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A message arrives from Andor, and Nynaeve finds herself attempting to explain her errands to one very protective husband & Warder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I picked up my file for this chapter, and oops, I accidentally a Lan x Nynaeve chapter, instead of my intended focus.

It was a good week and a half before Elayne contacted Nynaeve about the plans she had drawn up. A messenger arrived in time for High Court; the one Court each week that Nynaeve had agreed to attend. The usual Court sessions were Lan's province; a compromise between Nynaeve's duties as Queen of Malkier and the duties she had as an Aes Sedai and healer. Nynaeve did not mind helping with the ruling tasks of the country, and she was ready enough with her opinions on such matters when she and Lan discussed them, but her true calling lay in the realm of healing. However, some healing was done through Court sessions, as Lan pointed out to her, and she agreed that once per week she would accompany him to hear the petitions of the Malkieri people. In practice, this meant that people who had grave need of healing, but who could not otherwise obtain it, came to the High Court sessions to petition the Queen for her help.

When the herald announced that the next petitioner was for the Queen, Nynaeve assumed it would be a request for healing. To her surprise, an unassuming young woman in the garb of the Andoran Queen's Guard approached the throne and bowed.

"Greetings, your Majesty. I bring a message from Elayne Sedai of the Green Ajah."

Lan and Nynaeve both stiffened slightly at this, though for different reasons.

"Is there some problem that... Elayne Sedai needs help with?" Lan's voice was quiet, hard steel ready to meet any danger what threatened Aes Sedai.

"No, Lan, it's all right." Nynaeve laid a hand lightly on Lan's arm. "I was expecting this message, though perhaps not quite in this way." At that last, Nynaeve turned a slight frown on the messenger.

"Excuse me, please." With a smile of reassurance for Lan and a nod to the rest of the Court, Nynaeve stood and gestured to the woman. "Follow me and we will speak in the anteroom."

As the guard closed the door to the room behind Nynaeve and the Andoran messenger, Nynaeve rounded on the woman. "What business do you have approaching me in a full High Court? I expressly told Elayne that I wanted this information kept private!"

"My apologies, Aes Sedai." The woman bowed. "The Queen instructed me to come at this hour, so that her message would not be delayed."

With a sound of frustration, Nynaeve gestured for the woman to continue. "Well then, what is the message?"

Another stiff bow --this was not a person accustomed to playing the role of messenger, it seemed-- and the woman spoke as if reciting. "It is incredible, Nynaeve, the breakthrough I've had on your new _ter'angreal_. I'll need you to be able to fully test it, however. Could you come to Andor as soon as is convenient so that we can continue?"

A breath caught in Nynaeve's throat at the message. Could Elayne really have worked out the intricacies of the things Nynaeve wanted in the _ter'angreal_ so quickly? And why would Elayne need her to be able to test them - Elayne was just as strong in the Power in most ways, so it couldn't be a need for a stronger channeler. Shaking her head quickly to clear her thoughts, Nynaeve started the weave for a gateway without realizing she was going to do so, but then stopped. It would not do for it to be known that the Queen of Malkier was spontaneously visiting the Queen of Andor on secret Aes Sedai business, and that is precisely the story that would spread if she were to disappear from the royal palace immediately after receiving a messenger from Andor.

"Please tell Elayne Sedai that I will contact her as soon as I am able, and that I am pleased to hear of her progress on this matter." There, that should be vague enough for the messenger but clear enough for Elayne. "Thank you for carrying these messages for me."

"The honor was mine, Aes Sedai." The woman bowed again and waited for a sign of dismissal from Nynaeve before turning and leaving the room. As the Andoran guard left the Court in the direction of the Traveling Grounds, Nynaeve returned to her seat on the dais beside Lan, though her mind was elsewhere for the remaining hours of Court.

Later, with the throne room empty of petitioners and courtiers, Nynaeve stretched and knuckled her back as she stood. "Thank the Light that is over for another week."

Lan said nothing, though he quirked one eyebrow slightly.

"I have other things I need to be about, is all. It's not that I don't want to be part of ruling Malkier, Lan." Nynaeve sounded defensive.

"I said nothing, Nynaeve." Lan's reply was as level as the surface of the thousand lakes on a calm day. "What is it that you need to do? What was the messenger from Elayne about?"

"When I was gone briefly, about 15 days ago? I had gone to see Elayne." Nynaeve linked her arm with Lan's as they left the throne room for their chambers. "Did you know that they are rebuilding Caemlyn, and that Ogier stonemasons have come to help them? In honor of their service to Andor and the world, and in honor of Loial, Elayne has asked them to not only help with the rebuilding but to restore the grove that once existed in Caemlyn."

"That is something neatly done, on Elayne's part. She is proving to be quite a capable queen for Andor. But surely that is not what you went to discuss with her." It was not a question.

"No. I went to her not as a queen visiting a queen, but as an Aes Sedai seeking the aid of a sister." Nynaeve glanced around to be sure there were no servants near to hear her speak before she continued. "I have a patient that I cannot Heal. At least, I cannot Heal the wound that the patient needs me to Heal. It is not boasting to say that if I am unable to Heal a thing, it is unlikely to be possible for any other Aes Sedai."

"And what aid can Elayne Sedai provide in this? She had limited skill at Healing, so far as I knew."

"Healing isn't going to work, I told you." Nynaeve clamped her teeth shut for a moment while she schooled her voice to calmness. "I have an idea that may be able to help the patient without Healing, but it would require a _ter'angreal_ to work. As Elayne is the only Aes Sedai that can make _ter'angreal_ as powerful as this needs to be, I naturally went to her. Besides, among the bare handful of other sisters that Elayne has been able to teach the making of _ter'angreal_ to, there's not one I trust nearly so much as Elayne."

"I see," was all Lan said in reply.

They walked in silence for a moment, reaching the door of their chambers and entering before either spoke again.

Nynaeve went to pour some wine and, with apparent idleness, Lan paced the room. Anyone who knew what to look for, however, would have seen the prowling, dangerous grace that Warders possess and display without awareness. Before Nynaeve could hand him the cup of wine, Lan crouched down and ran his fingers over a nearly invisible line in the carpet's edge.

"So you visit Elayne in secret, with a gateway from our chambers to hers." Lan rose and accepted the cup, his knowing eyes not wavering from Nynaeve's.

"Yes." Nynaeve drew herself up defensively. "I couldn't very well go openly from the Traveling Grounds, now could I? I need this to be kept quiet until I've worked out if it can even do what I wish it to, and letting all of Malkier and Andor know that the Queens of the two nations are meeting is hardly the way to do that. Besides, if I went in my official capacity as your Queen, I would have to take a retinue and guards and--"

"Precisely!" Lan's interruption was more a growl than a word, and Nynaeve's eyes went wide before he spoke again. Reminding herself of the Ath'an Miere marriage vows they had taken, and the peculiar balance they had struck with them since reclaiming the throne of Malkier --in public, in a space or time that demanded the attentions of the Malkieri King, Lan had command and Nynaeve obeyed, but in spaces that required the attentions of an Aes Sedai it was Nynaeve who commanded - and in private it was precisely the opposite-- Nynaeve drew a long breath and waited until Lan was ready to hear her reply. As this was Aes Sedai business, not Malkieri business, and they were in private, it was Nynaeve's place to listen and obey.

"You went without taking even me, and I'm your Warder, Nynaeve. I cannot protect you if I do not know where you are going, or even that you are going." Lan's hands rested lightly on her arms, their implacable strength obvious even though he held her as though she were made of the most delicate Sea folk porcelain.

"I am sorry, Lan." Nynaeve rested her fingertips lightly against his chest and looked up into his blue eyes. "I did not mean to worry you, and I will endeavor to always tell you when I am going somewhere on my own in this way."

"But you will continue to go on your own."

"We cannot both be gone from Malkier, can we? And for that matter, you are the King, Lan - you cannot always throw yourself into danger to protect me, not when your people need you." Nynaeve took pains to keep her voice level and her hands still, though they longed to twitch toward her braid.

"I am a warrior and your Warder first, my wife." Lan put heavy emphasis on that last. "I will not see you put yourself needlessly into harm's way."

"I am hardly defenseless! I may be a healer first and foremost, but as an Aes Sedai I do have a few tricks available to defend myself." Nynaeve's voice was as level as she could make it, but her jaw creaked from the effort of not gritting her teeth.

"That's true," Lan admitted, the stony planes of his face still set, "but I would at least prefer to sweep the area first, the way the Maidens would do for the Sheepherder."

Nynaeve relaxed and smiled. "That sounds like a reasonable compromise. Elayne will be glad to see you, I think. She doesn't get to travel --or Travel-- much since the babes were born, and I think she misses it some."

Lan smiled at the mention of the twins, and Nynaeve thought she caught his gaze drop to her belly for a moment as he tipped back his wine. The line of thought that spun from that flash of his gaze set Nynaeve's cheeks aflame, and she hastily covered her blush by tipping her head over her own cup.

"Well, let's get you to Andor, Nynaeve Sedai." Lan tipped Nynaeve's face up to look into her eyes, his voice soft and gravely. "I should like time to discuss the prospect of royal heirs with my Queen when she returns from her business."

Nynaeve's breath was still a bit rapid, her face still a bit flushed, as she began the weave for a gateway to Caemlyn and into the corner of the Queen's Chambers that was becoming a secret Traveling Ground.


End file.
